The reasons of life
by Sara17
Summary: After Sirius' death, Harry thinks that nothing matters to him anymore, until he realises that Snape's words do...the final chapter is on.
1. Tears

Well, here's my second Harry Potter story.

My first one in English and my first drama, so don't be too strict with me.

I knew it's a very short chapter, but I hope some of you will enjoy it nevertheless.

Some reviews would be nice...

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the other wonderful characters in this story belong to J. K. Rowling.

Chapter 1 : Tears 

Harry was on his way to the dungeons, he had double potions next.

He had passed his OWL in potions, though he didn't know how and it didn't interest him anymore.

He wasn't interested in how cruel Snape, the potions professor, was to him, it didn't

that he hasn't got pity with him, 'cause he didn't want it.

He hadn't been there...in the Department of Mysteries, helping the other members of the Order.

No, he had been here, at Hogwarts, torturing students and stuff...

The only two thing that mattered to Harry any more were, that he had lost Sirius, and that he wouldn't come back.

He had forsaken Sirius, if he had only used his little mirror, he could have spoken to him, seeing that he was all right. 

The other thing was, that he wanted to become an Auror, he wanted to do at least one thing Sirius and his parents would have been proud of.

Though he knew they would never know...

He entered the potions classroom together with Hermione, Ron had given up the subject, his OWL wasn't good enough.

Only some seconds later, Snape came in, as dramatic as ever, he spoke to the class in his silky voice.

Harry, however, didn't listen.

He glared at Snape, he couldn't forgive him, if he had only told him the truth, why he had started teaching him Occlumency, if he had only warned him...if only anybody had told him the truth.

"What are you staring at me, Mr Potter?", he was suddenly adressed by Snape.

Harry didn't answer, he knew that Snape was able to read his mind, so why was he asking him such a stupid question?

Did he really expect he, Harry, would say, in front of all his classmates, how he was feeling?

How he missed Sirius?

That he, especially when he was alone, wanted to cry every minute?

Or that he was still talking to the little mirror Sirius had given him, trying to contact his godfather, though he knew Sirius wouldn't...couldn't...answer him?

Snape only wanted to make a fool out of him, but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Well, Mr Potter? Why are you sitting here if you don't listen to my explanations and only stare at me all the time? Still want to become an Auror as your father? If you don't try to listen a little harder, I really doubt that you'll ever become one."

"Shut it.", Harry answered weakly.

"Is that a tear, Potter? Are you crying only because of that? I thought you were a little stronger, somehow, you aren't so similar to your father. But, there is another person you want to be like, right? Sirius Black, his mouth was as big as yours, but, remember, nobody becomes a hero just because he's death."

"SHUT UP ABOUT SIRIUS!"

This time it wasn't Harry who shouted, but Hermione.

Harry grabbed his books and got up from his chair, his eyes slightly glittering, he went to the door, then he turned around, looking at Hermione.

"Don't waste you energy on him, not that he was such a great hero, sitting here in the dungeons, doing nothing but informing the other members of the Order, but staying in Hogwarts and letting them risk their lives. That's the great difference between him and Sirius.

He's right, Sirius cleaned the house up, because he couldn't leave it. He was forced to stay in their with all his bad memories.

But as Sirius knew that I was in great danger and that there was a fight coming up, he didn't hesitate and came to help me and to fight Voldemort, so did Lupin, Tonks, Moody and all the other members of the Order, who were informed.

Only Snape wasn't there, though he knew it, remember Hermione?"

With this words Harry left the classroom, somehow it satisfied him that he had said everything he thought about Snape.

But as he knew Snape and the others couldn't hear him anymore, he started to cry, worse than ever.

He took out the little pocketmirror and looked into it.

However, he didn't see his, but Sirius' face in it, as if he was coming out of the mirror every minute, greeting Harry and then playing a prank on Snape.

But as a tear fell onto the mirror, Sirius vanished.

Harry wished he had been able to see him only some seconds longer, and cursed himself for crying like he was 3 years old.

He didn't know why Snape's words had hurt him so badly, he knew Sirius was dead, and he knew that Snape had been thinking exactly what he had said to him.

Why did Snape's opinion matter to him?

Why couldn't he stop crying?

And why was Sirius not here, wiping his tears away?

Why...?


	2. Snape's secret

Yeah, that update was fast, I guess.

As some people really seem to like it (Thank you, thank you, thank you :), I went on with it. Hope you enjoy the second chapter.

R/R again please ^^.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J. K. Rowling ;_;.

Chapter 2 : Snape's secret

Harry didn't neither know how long he sat there, his back leaning against a cold, hard wall, nor were he was.

The corridor was deserted, he hadn't seen anyone for what seemed to be hours.

Harry realised that he had stopped crying, though he hadn't realised it yet.

Now he was staring into the air, he wanted to sit here for the rest of his life, thinking...thinking about everything that had happened in the past few month.

All of sudden, there was a little flash of light, it vanished the moment Harry had noticed it.

He muttered "Nox", his voice still shaking slightly.

He heard footsteps coming down the corridor and got up immediately, pressing his body against the wall.

He didn't want to be seen, not no, not as is face felt still hot of the tears that had been running down it for quite a long time.

But as it was now so dark that Harry couldn't even see his hand, the other person wouldn't be able to see him.

Harry wanted to go, but a voice inside him said "Stay!", Harry became curios.

For a short, lucky moment, he even forgot why he had come here, all the questions vanished.

Then he heard the person sinking down the wall, just a few metres away.

He groped his way along the wall, until he reached a corner where he could hid himself.

Just a few seconds later, the person muttered "Lumos".

Dark eyes and a prominent nose were illuminated by the spell.

The person took something out of her pocket and started to mutter under her breath.

Harry recognised her immediately.

But what was that person doing in a deserted corridor?

He tried to hear what the person, no, what Snape was saying.

"Your son is crying his eyes of, you stupid idiot. How could you trust Peter? And how could you trust me? I was about to about to betray you, too, Peter was just a little bit faster...

Harry is a short-tempered, stupid, annoying and crying git, no wait, I was the git, anyway, he's just like you were, involved in every mischief that is being done here, now that the Weasley twins left.

Breaking rules seems to be his hobby, but I really doubt that he would have got calmer if he had ever met you.

But at least, he is a hero...in his imagination, but he is one, he has never done anything to people, or let's say, he has never done something of what he had done at will.

You would've been really proud of your son, so am I, though I think of all pupils I've ever taught, he's the most annoying one.

Glad that I've never taught you, mate.

I know that I shouldn't be so unfair to Harry all the time, he hasn't done anything, and I really own him many explanations, but somehow, I can't tell him all this.

Every time I look at him, I don't see Harry, but you:

Your untidy hair, your skinny arms and legs, and the damn expression that you've had on your face when you looked at me.

Just his eyes are different, the endless deep eyes in which Lily lives on.

Sometimes I really tried to talk to him, but then, when I start to see you again, the person I own my life...and also the person I almost betrayed, I can not say the things I wanted to say, just something like '5 Points from Gryffindor!' or 'Detention!' instead.

Believe me, I do feel guilty for torturing Harry all the time! And I also feel guilty for not telling him the truth! And I feel really guilty for my weakness...

But I really think I have successfully made him hating me, I hope he'll hate me so much, that he'll hit me hard in my ugly face with the same, prominent nose you've hated so much once, then I can pay back all the things I would have almost done to you.

I hope he never discovers my secret, the most ugly git in his little world talking to a photograph of his father, damn, that's really childish, I ought to stop with it...

I better gonna go now, I've got Potions with some stupid first years next."

Snape took the photo and ripped it up, letting the pieces fall of it onto the cold floor.

Without anymore words, and, fortunately, without noticing Harry, he left the corridor.

Harry stood there in total darkness again.

All alone.

But with even more thoughts left.

What had that been all about?

What rubbish had Snape been talking about?

Though he haven't been running or anything like that, he had really problems with catching his breath.

He was trembling with excitement.

Then he muttered "Lumos" again and went to the place where the pieces of the photograph were now lying on the floor.

Harry had guessed right, on the photograph, there stood his father, he seemed to be just a little elder than Harry was now, perhaps he had been in his last year when the photo had been taken, and next to him, there was Snape, not in his underwear or being humbled otherwise, but smiling, just as his father... 


	3. Stag and snake

Wow, thank you so much for the reviews!

I really enjoyed reading them and I'd have never expected to get so many, thanks again.

This is the 3rd chapter, a bit longer than the first two.

I've just noticed that he title of this chapter is similar to a title in OotP...well, anyway,

I hope you enjoy reading again.

Disclaimer: I think you know it by now...

Chapter 3 : stag and snake

Harry sat in his favourite armchair near the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room.

He stared at the photograph of his father James and Snape that he had repaired some days ago.

He saw more and more details on it, for example his father's hand on Snape'd shoulder, or that Snape wore robes that seemed to be quite old and shabby.

But most of it, he couldn't ignore the way they smiled on the photo, it were two true smiles.

smiles that you wouldn't have on your face if your worst enemy stood next to you.

But why had nobody ever told him?

Well, he knew that Snape couldn't talk to him, because he resembled his father in so many things.

But what about Sirius?

He had been James' best friend, his father would have told him...or wouldn't he?

Hadn't Sirius trusted him, Harry?

Had he thought Harry was a little child that couldn't accept the truth?

That couldn't accept his father was friends with Snape?

No...that couldn't be...Sirius had trusted him, he had been the one telling him about the things Voldemort was up to do, he had risked his life for him, and, at last, he had died for him.

But...perhaps Sirius hadn't been able to accept it himself.

That could be.

Sirius...he missed him so much, even more than he missed his parents.

He had seen his parents when he was a baby, he didn't know them, but he knew Sirius!

Sirius had done so much for him, he had been his closest friend, even closer then Ron, and the one that had Harry loved as if he was his son...until he died.

Harry had so much questions?

Why hadn't he ever asked Sirius to tell him more stories about his father or about his time with the marauders?

Or just what his favourite meal was?

Now it was to late, Sirius couldn't answer Harry's questions anymore, and never again...

"HARRY!!", he heard somebody yelling, obviously standing far away.

"Huh?"

It was Ron who had shouted, and he didn't stand far away but next to him.

"What's up with you, mate? I've yelled at you twice, have you been sleeping?"

"Er...I dunno."

"Do you feel alright Harry?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Well, then you should have left about 10 minutes ago, Occlumeny."

"Oh damn it!"

Harry hurried down the staircases leading to the dungeons.

Snape still gave him Occlumency lessons, though he had said that Harry should never enter his office again.

Could it be that he did it because he wanted Harry to be well-prepared when he had to face Voldemort again?

Did he want to have an eye on him?

When Harry thought about it, Snape had really tried to save him quite a few times.

Did he want to protect him?

Did he really meant something to Snape?

No, Dumbledore might just have forced Snape to do it again...or was he completely wrong?

He hadn't any more time to think about that, because he stood in front of Snape's office door now.

He knocked at it.

"Come in.", snarled Snape. 

He sat behind his desk, obviously waiting for Harry.

"You're late."

"Yeah, I've been...fast asleep."

"Indeed? Then I hope that you're not as bad as last time, now that you've had some rest. Ready?"

Harry wasn't ready, his mind was so full of questions and thoughts, how could he be ready?

What could he do now?

What would Snape do if he would be able to enter his mind and see him, standing next to his father?

How could he explain that he knew they'd been friends at school, though everybody, including Snape himself, had told him that his father had been Snape's greatest enemy.

"Are you sleeping again, Mr Potter? Or don't you want me to see your sad thoughts about your father or about Sirius Black? Do you think I'll see you cry this time?"

"I'm glad to tell you that you made me hating you successfully. I really do hate you."

Now, just for a split second, but long enough for Harry to notice, Snape had looked at him in shock.

But then, he continued to speak in his ordinary soft and silky voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but I don't want to spend the whole evening with you, Mr Potter, especially as I really doubt that you'll ever learn to do Occlumeny properly. Anyway, are you ready then?"

There was no choice for Harry, so he only nodded.

"Well, then, take your wand out...alright...1 - 2 - 3. Legilimens!"

Everything went dark, Harry tried to concentrate hard on keeping his mind empty, but he was nervous.

What if Snape got into his mind?

Would he see the picture?

Would he see him hiding in a corner in that corridor?

Then, Harry saw pictures...

Sirius was fighting against Bellatrix Lestrange...he knew what would happen know.

He didn't want to see that again!

He had dreamt of it so often, he had seen Sirius die so many times...not again!

Never again!

"PROTEGO!", Harry yelled at once.

This had worked once before, Harry thought, and now it would work again!

It had to work again!

Then...he saw two animals...walking across the grounds of Hogwarts, or gliding, as one of the animals was a snake, towards the Forbidden Forest.

The other one was in the shadow of a tree in the moment, it seemed to be big.

But as they passed the tree, Harry could take a look at the other animal...

Harry's eyes widened, there, walking next to the snake, was a great stag, but not only an ordinary one...but his father.

"STOP IT!!", he heard Snape yelling.

Everything went dark at once, before he found himself lying flat on the floor once again.

Had that animal in Snape's mind really been a stag?

Had it really been his father?

But then, as he got up from the floor, he saw that he didn't seem to be the only one that had been lying there.

He saw Snape getting up, too, before he was going to an armchair near the fireplace and sat down.

That was odd, in the Gryffindor common room he sat there preferably, too.

"What are you standing there, Potter? You're dismissed."

"But what – "

"I told you that you're dismissed, so why are you still standing there? You waste my time, Potter, leave!"

Harry went to the door, he opened it and was about to leave, but then, he didn't now why, he looked back at Snape.

There was a little drop on Snape's cheek.

At first sight, he expected it to be sweat, but as he looked back at Snape once again, and saw the sad expression on his face, he wasn't too sure anymore.

Harry got out of the office and shut the door behind him, feeling as guilty as he had done the first weeks after Sirius' death, and as he perhaps still did.

He thought about everything that had happened in the past few month, and about the things that had happened in Snape's office.

At last, he wasn't sure if he was responsible for Sirius' death, but he was actually responsible for making a man cry... 


	4. Eyecontact

As so many people asked me to update (Thanks, Thanks, Thanks) or said I did good work, I did this chapter quickly.

I'm not so pleased with the beginning, and I'm really sorry that it isn't too good, but the end is better, I think.

Nevertheless I hope you'll enjoy it a little bit and continue to write so many nice reviews.

Thank you very much.

Disclaimer: J.K.R. 

Chapter 4 : Eyecontact

The next days passed quite uneventfully, Harry had tried to talk to Snape, but he seemed to be never alone. He was either talking to his fellow teachers or to students and he didn't open his door when Harry knocked at it, though Harry guessed he was in there.

Anyway, he had to talk to somebody, he needed some advice...

Ron and Hermione wouldn't be able to help him, they didn't know more about Snape than he did, even less.

So he decided to write a letter to Lupin.

Writing was easier than talking and Lupin might be able to answer some of his questions, as he was the last marauder, except Peter, of course, but that nasty rat was out of question for Harry, that was still alive. 

Though writing is easier than talking, it's still very difficult, thought Harry, as he tried to find the right words, what was especially difficult, as he was a friend of Lupin, but not such a close one as he was to Ron or as he had been to Sirius.

Dear Mr Lupin...

Dear Mr Lupin? No, that's quite to formal for such a letter...

Dear Remus,

I hope you don't mind if I adress you with your first name, as I think that Mr Lupin sounds quite odd.

Anyway, I watched Snape talking to a picture of him and my father some days ago,

he said some strange things.

And in my last Occlumency lesson, I entered Snape's mind and saw him, or let's say I saw a snake, but I guess it was him, walkig across the grounds with Prongs.

What does that mean?

Why hasn't anybody told be that Snape was friends with my dad?

Or weren't they?

Well, after I had seen that, Snape made me stop watching, we both lay on the floor and he dismissed me, but before I left, looked at him again and he was...crying.

I know you can't imagine that, I couldn't do at first sight either.

I couldn't say I was sorry for what happened, but we've Potions tomorrow, I'll see what I can do then.

Somehow I feel sad for Snape, after what he said to the photograph, I can not imagine that he hates me that much anymore.

I dunno what to do now...why do I make people feel sad so often?

Hope you're fine.

Harry 

Harry felt a little better when he had sent the letter, he really hoped Lupin would answer his questions.

He got to bed early this day, as he couldn't concentrate on his homework or anything, and was thinking again, as he did so often these days...

When he awoke the next day, he was quite nervous, today, Snape couldn't run away from him anymore.

Would he pretend that nothing had happened and punish him as he did normally?

But Snape didn't.

The Potions lesson had started about half an hour ago, and Snape hadn't said a word to him.

He hasn't punished him, he hasn't commented his potion, though Harry know it was completely nasty, as he did it wrong on purpose.

But there wasn't any reaction...well, except Hermione's.

"What are you doing Harry? The introduction says you must add the skin of a snake, not the legs of a toad!", she corrected him impatiently.

"Oh yeah, mixed it up.", Harry lied.

He has to do something!, Harry thought, He has to give me detention or something!

That is the worst potion I've done in years! Why doesn't he punish me?

Snape, however, looked at the cauldrons and gave Neville 0 marks for his one, but he passed Harry's cauldron without any comments, without looking at Harry.

At the end of the lesson, Snape gave them an ordinary long essay about the uses of Phoenix feathers, then he dismissed the class.

However, Harry didn't leave, there was his chance to talk to Snape alone.

"Er, Professor?"

"What?", snarled Snape.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Well, you do remember the last Occlumeny lesson, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'm not stupid, Potter."

"I just like to say I'm sorry for what happened."

"Nothing did happen, Potter."

"But you- "

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, but, I mean, after I saw that thing in you mind, you...you actually started to...cry."

Snape sighed.

"Have a seat, Potter."

Harry got his chair and placed it opposite of Snape, he was very curios, but also a bit nevous.

"Were you friends with my father?"

"You should know that there are more existing connections between people than being friends or enemies, Potter." 

"Maybe, but you were talking to the photo, as if you were-"

"What, Mr Potter?"

"I – I mean-"

Snape had got up from his chair, he grasped Harry by his robes and pulled him of his chair, too.

As Snape was quite skinny, Harry hadn't expected him to be that strong.

"How much have you heard?"

"A – Almost nothing!"

"Look at me, you little liar! I want you to look into my eyes when you talk to me."

Harry did, slightly scared.

Then, all of sudden, his scar started burning.

Harry didn't know what was going on. Had Snape cursed him?

He felt his head getting hot, he heard himself breathing faster and he couldn't see clearly anymore, everything became blurred. 

The last thing he heard was Snape, shouting his name.

"Harry?! HARRY!!"

That's the first time he calls me by my name, thought Harry, slightly satisfied, before he couldn't think anymore. 

...

Harry flew over some fields, feeling the wind in his face.

It was dark.

He became slower and then he stopped.

Under him, there stood two person, just some metres away.

They both wore black robes with hoods.

Harry had seen those robes before, it were the robes that the Death Eaters wore.

"Do you think you can get rid of him?", said one of the persons a high voice.

Harry froze, this voice belonged to nobody but Voldemort, though harry had heard it just a few times, he would never forget the voice of the murderer who had made his life hell.

The other person nodded.

"What about Dumbledore? Do you really think he trusts you absolutely?"

The person nodded again.

"And Potter? Does he trust you, either?"

There was another nod from the to Harry unknown person.

Who could this person be?

Who had his total trust?

"Yes...perhaps you're right. You had his father's trust, too, well, until he died..."

Voldemort started to laugh evilly.

Then, finally, the person started to speak.

Whose voice would he hear?

"Yeah, I'll get you...", the person raised her head, her eyes looking exactly into Harry's, "Harry Potter."

...

Then, all of sudden, Harry awoke, sitting straight in a bed in the hospital wing.

Cold sweat running down his face.

That had not been an ordinary dream...

What he had seen there had been so real.

But, no, that couldn't be...

That couldn't be true!

This can't be! No!, Harry shouted to himself again and again.

Was the person, currently sitting fast asleep next to his bed with light shadows under her eyes...about to kill him in order of Voldemort?


	5. Avada Kedavra!

I got so many reviews again, and so I've to thank you guys so much, it's great to read that you like my work *blush*.

I got a very interesting review from **c[R]du[E]dly **(special thanks to you).

He or she told me that the letter was too straight to the point, and I think that's absolutely true, that's why it sounded so odd.

I wondered all the time why I didn't like the beginning of the last chapter, but I didn't know why.

Please tell me what you don't like in the story or where I made mistakes, no matter if I used the Vocabulary wrong, mixed the tenses up or simply wrote a lot of rubbish ^_^;, so I can correct it or just do better next time.

(It would be very nice if you explained me why something it's not too good.)

Thanks.

****

@ ckat44 : I can say there won't be slash like SS/HP or SS/JP...perhaps I'll make two other characters fell in love with each other, but neither Harry nor Snape will be involved and it won't be important for the story.

Okay, let's start then.

Chapter 5 : Avada Kedavra!

Harry just sat there, neither thinking nor doing any other thing, just staring at the person with the greasy black hair: Snape.

(Note: Yeah, it's just him, I'm sorry ^_^"".)

The expression on his face was softer then usual. 

Snape had said that he had betrayed his father one week ago.

Was he about to betray him, Harry, too?

Harry's heart beat faster at this thought.

'But Snape was obviously sorry!', Harry thought,

'Or was that just a trick?'

Harry had often suspected Snape to be a supporter of Voldemort, Harry had had so much clues to this in the past, but in the end, Snape had ever been innocent.

But this time Harry had more clues then ever, his dream hadn't been ordinary, it had been real in an odd way...

Harry was thinking hard, when suddenly Madame Pomfrey interrupted him.

"Oh, you're awake, Harry." 

As he had been here so often in the past, Madame Pomfrey had started to call him 'Harry' instead of 'Mr Potter'.

"Yes, I am."

"What, for heaven's sake, did happen to you this time?"

"Dunno...suddenly I got a terribly headache.", Harry avoided the word 'scar' on purpose, "And then everything went dark."

"Oh yeah, I think I should know this story by now.", said Madame Pomfrey with a little grin and rolled her eyes.

Harry smiled back weakly.

"By the way, I haven't seen Snape in such a state for years.", she added quickly.

"Last time you were in your third year, I think, he came running into the hospital wing as if he was about to miss a train or so.", she shook her head slightly, "He said some strange things about you, freeing Sirius Black and some other rubbish. But this time he was in another state, he looked almost...worried. I didn't know he had something similar to a heart."

Madame Pomfrey grinned again, then continued, "He stayed awake the whole night, sitting next to your bed, I think he fell asleep just about 40 minutes ago."

'If he is about to murder me, then he's a very good actor, too.', Harry thought while he was looking at the Potions professor again.

"May I go?", he asked Madame Pomfrey then.

"As I know it would be useless to say you must stay..."

"Thank you."

Harry got dressed and left the hospital wing.

He was curious to see if he had a letter from Lupin and he was also hungry, so he decided to go to the Great Hall and to have some breakfast.

As Harry entered, he saw that it was full of students, he sat down next to Ron, who had breakfast too.

"Morning Harry, where have you been this night?"

"I had detention.", Harry lied.

He didn't want to tell Ron what had really happened, as he knew what Ron's opinion would be.

"Look, you've got a letter."

"Oh yeah."

Harry opened the envelope and read:

Dear Harry, __

I'm afraid to tell you that I can't help you with this too much. 

I know I was a marauder, too, but I didn't understand their relation either.

Most time, they looked at each other with the deepest disgust, but sometimes it wasn't disgust...it looked like sadness or understatement.

You can't believe how annoyed Sirius was when James wasn't in the mood to play a prank on Snivellus, we called him like this, as you might remember, or even talked to him.

Sometimes Sirius didn't talk to your father for more then a whole week.

Well, until James took out his wand and hanged Snape up on the Astronomy Tower or did stuff like this.

Your father and your teacher were quite similar to each other in some ways.

The two of them could have quite a short temper, they were brave, they couldn't work in teams if they weren't he leaders, each one pretended to hate the other...or did it actually, I don't really know and they liked to be mighty.

The only great difference of them were their decisions...

James became the good and Severus the bad guy, and, since that day, they avoided each other.

What else could they do?

One was an Auror and the other a Death Eater.

They couldn't meet for tea or anything, they became enemies.

But, and that's the last thing I can tell you about this, your dad still trusted Snape, though he know he was a Death Eater, and he told him about his secret, about the thing I, and even Dumbledore, learned of only a few years ago, about who was you parents' secretkeeper.

Yeah, Snape knew.

I don't know if he would have betrayed them if Peter hadn't done it.

And I don't know if he will betray you and with you all the members of the Order one day.

We can only hope he won't...

Please tell me when you need our help, Harry, you know you're not alone on this world, even with Sirius gone.

Remus

Harry studied this letter over and over again the next days, until he had Potions again at last.

He hadn't talked to Snape the last few days.

But today he had to face him, he only hoped his scar wouldn't start to burn again.

Harry sat on his table when Snape entered the dungeon, he stared at him, testing wheter Snape's looks would make his scar aching again or not.

But he didn't received looks in return, even if Snape had stopped ignoring him.

Even if Snape stood in front of his table an said how nasty his potion was, he seemed to avoid Harry's eye carefully.

So did he for the rest of the lesson.

'You wanted an evidence for Snape still being a Death Eater? Well, there you are...'

But at the end of the lesson, when all the other students left, Snape stopped him at the door.

"Wait Mr Potter. I want a word."

Harry got nervous, they were alone, he clenched his fingers around his wand.

As they got back to the teacher's desk, Snape suddenly turned around and pointed his wand at Harry.

"Legi-"

But Harry was faster.

"EXPELLIARMUS!!", he yelled.

Snape wand flew out of his hand.

"Ha- Harry, I...I wanted-"

"You wanted to murder me, I know."

"No, I didn't, please believe me!"

"Liar. I felt the pain in my scar, I heard you saying you would've betrayed my father, I saw you talking to Voldemort..."

"But-"

"But the worst thing is, I saw you sitting next to my bed, Madame Pomfey told me you were worried. For one second, I just thought that was exactly the place where my father or Sirius would've sat..."

tears started running down Harry's face.

"I didn't do anything! Harry! I just wanted to see whether you would be able to protect your mind if you weren't warned. Don't do anything stupid!"

"I won't believe in this rubbish again, I heard a similar story from Peter, I let him live...and that was one of the greatest mistakes of my live. I won't be so stupid ever again."

The expression on Snape's face changed, it had been shocked at the things that happened, now it was just...sad.

"Harry...", he whispered.

"You'd have murdered my parents, too...", Harry lifted his wand, it was pointing directly at Snape's heart now, "Avada Kedavra." 

__


	6. Mystery

Well, I'm really sorry I didn't update for such a long time (and that this chapter isn't as long as it should be ^_^;;). I got many very interesting reviews for the last chapter and I expected many of you to say that they weren't pleased about what I've written.

This is very important for me to get better, so please don't hold back your criticism (as long as it's constructive and helpful). Thank you very much and Merry Christmas!!

Disclaimer : I think you know that stuff...

Chapter 6 : Mystery

A green flash of light was hitting Snape hard.

But he didn't shout, he didn't do anything, he didn't move.

Harry looked at him, but didn't think.

He was just standing there in the hardly illuminated office.

Then, suddenly, the door burst open.

Harry wasn't shocked at this, he just turned calmly to see what had happened.

In the doorway stood Dumbledore, trying to catch his breathe.

"Harry...", he said weakly, "What did you do?"

Harry looked back at Snape for a short moment, then he lifted his shoulders.

"He tried to kill me...that git!", Harry answered without any emotion.

"Oh Harry.", Dumbledore sighed, shaking his head slightly, then he went over to Snape.

"Still alive.", he muttered, his face was lightening a little bit, "I'm going to bring him to the hospital wing, Harry, go into my office and wait for me. The password is 'Berty Bott's Every Flavour Beans'."

Dumbledore muttered a spell, pointing his wand at Snape, then he left with Snape flying after him.

Harry stood there for another minute or two before he left Snape's office and made his way to Dumbledore's. He was acting absolutely normally, as if nothing had happened. But was that normal?

He started thinking. Had he really done the right thing? Did Snape deserve it? Did he worth it?!

And why wasn't he feeling anything?

Suddenly Harry realized he was standing in front of the gargoyle, though he didn't remember he how he had come here.

"Berty Bott's Every Flavour Beans.", he said coldly.

The gargoyle jumped aside and Harry stepped on the staircase that was screwing up to Dumbledore's office. When he opened the massive door leading into the office he saw Lupin sitting on a chair beside the table, but the moment he heard Harry enter the room, he jumped up from his chair and ran towards him.

"Harry!", Lupin ,grasping Harry's shoulders, shouted in a worried sounding way, "Glad you're here. What happened?"

"Almost killed Snape.", Harry said with a cold voice that didn't belong to him.

"You did what?!", Lupin almost yelled in his hoarse voice.

"I almost killed Snape.", Harry answered again, as untouched as before.

"But – But – you can't -.", Lupin stammered.

Then they heard the door opening again.

"Dumbledore...", Lupin sighed with relief, "How's Severus?"

"Well, not as fine as he should be, as both of you can imagine. Poppy's doing everything to help the poor fellow, but, you know, she can't promise anything, she says Severus needs rest, but perhaps Severus has to stay at St. Mungo or is even going to-"

"Die.", Harry interrupted him.

"Yes, Harry, he could even die, your curse was strong, I'm afraid to say." Dumbledore continued, 

"Sit down you two. I think I've to explain some things to you."

Harry was wondering why Dumbledore wasn't yelling at him, at least he had tried to kill Snape of whom Dumbledore thought that he was innocent, obviously.

Harry fell on a chair at Dumbledore's desk, that was the first time he noticed that he was tired and weak. It was a feeling like waking up in the morning without any sleep.

"Well.", Dumbledore started again, "I'm really sorry, Harry."

Harry looked at him, slightly surprised and so did Lupin.

"I couldn't beware you of the great mistake you've done."

'Great mistake!', thought Harry, 'He tried to murder me!', but he said nothing.

"You've just cursed an innocent man, Severus has never tried to murder you, neither in the past nor now."

"Maybe you believe that!.", Harry snapped, "I know better, I've seen him! I've seen him with Voldemort, talking about me, saying he was going to kill me."

"I thought you'd knew better by now, Harry, Voldemort has many ways to make people believe what he wants them to, he's a Legimentor."

"But that was so...so...real, even more real than last year, you know, he looked at me, it was Snape! Really! He said 'I'm going to kill, Harry Potter.'! And at that moment I could feel it was him, at first I wasn't sure at all, but that feeling came over me more and more clearly!", Harry tried to explain.

He was despaired, had Voldemort fooled him?...Again?

"That was because it was Snape, Harry."

"What?", Harry asked unbelievingly, "But you said-"

But Dumbledore interrupted him.

"I said Voldemort fooled you and that's right."

"But you said that it was Snape, you said it was him!", Harry yelled.

"And so it could've been.", Lupin muttered suddenly, he looked as if he had been thinking hard.

"Ah, you're getting to it, Remus, I knew you would.", Dumbledore said.

"Harry.", Lupin started, "Exactly this might have happened around 20 years before. But Voldemort has obviously changed little details..."

Harry looked at him, completely puzzled.

"Sure he said 'Harry Potter'?", Lupin asked.

"Yeah, why?", Harry said.

"Well, 'cause I'd have expected him to say not 'Harry'...", Lupin explained darkly, "but 'James'."

O_O That was short...sorry again.

R&R please.


	7. The truth in the past

Well, this is a faster update again ^_^ *smile*. As it's so cold that not even my dog puts his nose out of the door without shivering and my friends are busy with wrapping presents up, there's not so much I can do but write a new chapter.

Thanks for all the nice reviews I got, I'm so nervous when I open my e-mails and notice that I've got reviews.

I'm always afraid that somebody says: "Even my little sister writes better stories, and she's six.", or something like that and then, when I realise that nobody has written anything similar to that, I'm so happy and my whole world is lightening so much that I could jump around for about an hour XD (yeah, I'm a little idiot).

I've read the first chapters again and there are so many mistakes in them that I could cry my eyes off (stuff like : "he didn't neither...nor...).

-_- oh damn...

I don't really like this chapter, I'm afraid to say, but even though I dunno why I'm happy, perhaps because Christmas is coming up (in Germany we get our presents on Christmas' Eve *grin* *yeah*).

Dunno why I'm writing all this rubbish, sorry ^.^"", the important notes are on (at?) the bottom of this chapter. 

Enjoy :)!!

Disclaimer: JKR

Chapter 7 : The truth in the past

"What do you mean? What has that to do with my dad?", Harry asked, both confused and a little angry.

"May I tell him, Albus?", Lupin asked, looking at Dumbledore.

"What a question.", Dumbledore answered, nodding slightly.

"Alright then...", Lupin turned to Harry again, "Harry, what I'm going to tell you now will be a little hard for you, but it's the truth. And Harry, whatever you're going to hear now, your father was a great man, remember that...well, I didn't know all this stuff until this morning when Professor Dumbledore explained some things, Professor Snape had told him all this when he came to teach at Hogwarts."

Harry got more and more impatient, he didn't want to know since when or why Lupin know all that stuff, which seemed to be very interesting and mysterious, he wanted to know what Lupin knew.

And then, finally, after what seemed like hours to Harry, Lupin began his tale.

"You know that Professor Snape is a former Death Eater."

Harry nodded curiously.

"All this seems to began in his fifth year at Hogwarts, he always was interested in the Dark Arts as he still is, you know, but he had never been supporting Voldemort before, as he had been too young and Lord Voldemort had been working undercover before, but then, after he had been tortured by...", Lupin swallowed hard, as if these words made his throat aching, "...by us, that means Peter, Sirius, James and me.", he finally said, "Severus was more and more alone, well, let go of some stupid fellow Slytherins, who were his...friends.", Lupin spoke the last word with bitterness, "They made him joining Voldemort, told him it was great and that one could get mighty there, very mighty and very strong. Of course he was still a pupil, but from that moment on, he was a supporter of Voldemort."

"Yeah, I know he joined him, but what has that to do with-", Harry began, but was interrupted by Lupin.

"I'm coming to the point. I told you Severus was alone, but well, there was James. They weren't friends with each other, they were really, really similar, even something like...soulmates or so."

"Soulmates? Are you mad?", Harry almost yelled, surprised that Lupin was telling things that seemed to be rubbish about his father.

"I really hope I am Harry, but I doubt it.", he tried to smile weakly, "Anyway, they were often talking when nobody could hear them, when they were all alone, they understood each other. Your father knew Severus was going to join Voldemort, that he was almost a Death Eater, and so Severus knew about your father that he was up to be an Auror, and also that your father would love to be really mighty. Snape didn't want to loose the only one similar to a real friend, he knew, of course, that they could never meet again when they would leave school, a Death Eater and an Auror – no way. So he asked James to join, too."

"What?!!", Harry shouted, jumping off his chair, almost knocking it over, "That...that git!"

Lupin was looking pale, but Dumbledore was still sitting in a great armchair calmly, obviously eating a lemon drop or something like that, but his face was worried.

"Harry...", Lupin spoke again, his voice breaking, "You know that your father has never become a Death Eater, but he didn't refuse this offer immediately, he was thinking about it quite a long time."

"No...", Harry muttered with a weak voice, though he knew Lupin didn't lie, as he seemed to take it very seriously himself.

"Snape told him that he could rule, be mighty, one of the really great ones.", Lupin continued, Harry noticed that he had stopped adressing Snape by his first name, "Finally James said no, of course, especially as he loved Lily, he couldn't join a person hating witches and wizards like her, calling them mudbloods, murdering them. But nobody knows what he'd have done if your mum hadn't been there."

Tears were running down Harry's face, but he didn't care.

"Yeah, I know this must be hard for you.", Lupin said sadly, looking at him, "I really don't think he would have murdered anyone, Harry, this wouldn't have been likely for him. Well, after all that, and even after they'd finished school and your parents had joined the Order,as James had managed to stay in contact with Snape, though he knew what Snape was, he did not care, he trustet Snape. Snape knew that James was a member of the Order, fighting him, and this hit him hard, though they still met sometimes. Not only that James didn't join Voldemort and became an Auror, he even joined a group of people, who were fighting against Voldemort, and so against him, too, directly. Snape got both angry and sad. He was afraid James would kill him once, as they were enemies, he couldn't trust your father anymore. He was so full of bitterness that he didn't know who was on his side and who destroyed him slowly from the inside anymore. What you saw in your dream was a scene in the past, I think, when Severus told Voldemort James was in the Order of the Phoenix and that he trusted him. Of course, Voldemort wanted Severus to kill James, but, as you and I know, he didn't do, he couldn't do it...at least not himself. But he still wanted to help Voldemort as he thought that their friendship had never been real, he thought that James used him as a way to know what Voldemort was up to. Snape increased more and more into this. And then, when got stronger and stronger, James told him he was going into hiding with Lily and you and who your secretkeeper was supposed to be, he saw his chance. I think James did this to show Snape he was trusting him, but Snape didn't notice it. Snape wanted to make your dad feel all the pain he had felt when he had seemingly lost him, that's why he betrayed James."

Harry noticed that Lupin's voice, which had been hard before, was softening a little bit and he started to call Snape 'Severus' again, 

"But then, Voldemort found James and Snape must have thought that Sirius was a traitor, he was angry he didn't get his revenge at first, but then, he must have been lucky that he had been a little too late, because he suddenly checked what that had been about. He realised James had never betrayed their friendship. After he became teacher here and especially after he met you, he became more and more angry both at him and at Sirius, as he thought Sirius had betrayed James. I think that's one of the causes for what has happened in the Shrieking Shrack some years ago, remember how angry he was when Sirius got away. But, you know, now Severus is on our side, for him, you're almost like his son, as he would've been almost the one who had made you an orphan. He's really worried about you Harry, that's why he's so strict, he wants you to get strong, to survive and he wants you to make him pay for your father's death when you're old enough, after he has explained everything to you, because he still can not forgive himself...he really cares about all this, especially about you Harry, he really cares."

With this words Harry got up from his chair again, but not as fast as last time, he went to the door where he stopped and turned around.

"Thanks.", he said, looking back at Lupin and Professor Dumbledore, his face was still wet, though he had stopped crying.

"Harry.", Dumbledore suddenly said, "You'll leave this school at the end of the seventh year, then you'll be a full-trained wizard, and I don't doubt you'll be a really strong one, so please be careful at who you point your wand when you use the Avada Kedavra course, promise me."

Harry's expression got sad once more, but then he spoke again, without crying.

"Yes, I promise. I'm going to the hospital wing, I have to see him...though I'm afraid.", he said.

Lupin nodded slightly and Dumbledore adressed him for a last time.

"He's doing fine, I know he is, I can feel it and so you can, don't you? You haven't done anything you must be ashamed of, it was my fault, I should have told you all this stuff earlier, but I couldn't, Severus didn't want it. He wanted to explain it to you himself, but now you know and I'm sure he'll understand that. Be brave, Harry."

After hearing these words from Dumbledore, Harry left the office, more confident then he had entered it, though he didn't understand the last sentence.

Be brave, Harry. – What did this mean? 

But he forgot about it, it wasn't important now.

Dumbledore says he's doing fine, Harry said to himself, he'll be alright...he is caring about me. 

With this thoughts Harry was running to the hospital wing, through many corridors which were decorated with mistletoes, as, without Harry noticing it before, Christmas had been coming up.

Almost crashing into Madame Pomfrey, he arrived at the hospital wing.

This is Christmas, he thought.

And now, for the first since Sirius died, every little part of his heart was filled with true happyness. 

*~*~*

Man, that was trashy, sorry that it has to end like that (without any style), but this is the last "main-chapter" of my story.

Well, at least it is an open end ^__^;;.

Perhaps I'm going to write something like a "Christmas-special", an extra chapter full of rubbish and trash (so this won't be a drama), but I'm not sure, perhaps it would destroy the last bit of style that's left after this end.

As you can imagine, I need your help (that means reviews, of course) to decide this.

If you want to have a special, I'm going to write one and put it online before Christmas, I promise.

I hope you enjoyed my story, though there are many mistakes in it (both grammar-mistakes and mistakes like a Neville in the advanced Potions class - **@ Lili Stalder **: Yeah, you're right, that's odd o_O"".) and this chapter is full of rubbish.

Merry Christmas again! 


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